Hand Me That Hydrometer, Pal

Popular Mechanics published a list of 100 skills its editors decided that every man should know. Some of them are predictable (jump-start a car) some are puzzling (survive lightning) and almost all are stereotypical (rescue damsel in distress).

O.K. That last one isn’t really in there.

But the tenor is the pretty much the same. Except for the occasional androgynous task (use a sewing machine, iron a shirt) the overall implication is that men do manly things, and lots of them.

“I am lucky, my husband surpasses this 100 and can do more,” one female respondent crowed.

Well. I think I’m glad she didn’t feel the need to enlighten us further. But of course we all have additional skills not on the list. For instance, I am fluent in three languages (if you count Igpay Atinlay and Dulfouble Talfalk); can properly use “comprise,” “purport” and “begs the question”; and remember the birthdays of tons of people who have long since gone out of my life.

But do I really need to know how to stick weld or master a coolant hydrometer? I think not.

Instead, here are a few skills I wish I had that aren’t on the list:

Detecting and avoiding a boxing glove headed to my face.

Keeping my mouth shut when I know that opening it is just going to tick my wife off.

Performing routine computer functions without having to e-mail my geek friends in Nashville.

Making a cue ball go where I want it to go.

And playing a musical instrument. But not just any instrument. The guitar, say. Or harmonica.

You know. Something manly.