I buy lottery tickets from time to time, whenever the jackpot reaches an amount that I reckon sufficient to fantasize about. That figure is based on my computation of collecting one-eighth of the total amount: half off for taking it in cash, half off the remainder for taxes, and half off what’s left for my wife.
In my financial fantasies, there are no marital debates over spending.
The one-eighth I further compute into a yearly income, calculated on a 4 percent return from tax-free securities. I have no idea if that’s realistic, but it doesn’t seem overly greedy. Greed, I figure, reduces good lottery karma.
Two tickets is my usual investment. My friend Glenn advises that, as a matter of probability, a second ticket (and quite a few more) is statistically insignificant in terms of increasing my chances of winning. I’m sure he’s right, but I don’t care. To me it obviously doubles my chances.
I like to buy as far in advance of the drawing as possible, to maximize the fantasy time I get for my two bucks. A Saturday purchase, for example, gives me three days of imaginary spending until the Tuesday drawing -- which I stretch further by not checking the results until Wednesday or later.
Of course philanthropy factors in my plans. (Still listening, karma?) That generosity aside, yes, I plan some goodies for myself, too. I will not be one of those irksome dimwits who assert that, shucks, millions of dollars will not change their lives. I will:
Quit work.
Travel the world.
Take enlightening courses in subjects that appeal to me, like Asian philosophy, or home-brewing.
Buy a new house down South and put a home theater and gym and pool table in the basement.
And so on.
All of which will be made possible this coming Tuesday night, should the right numbers fall into place. Just in case, maybe I’ll start making a list of charities I could donate to.
You out there, karma?
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